So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize