he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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