i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
