If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
