sarcasm needs its own font
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
