I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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