the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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