How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
