Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
