your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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