yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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