i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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