the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
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I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
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