Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
