I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
