U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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