oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
