i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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