I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
