I'm eating all of the evidence.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Randomize
