You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
