I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
