Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
