Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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