She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
