you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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