So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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