I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
