I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
