You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
