ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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