Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
