Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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