Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
