You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
