The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
