you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
