i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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