ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
