I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
