Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
