I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Less talking, more tequila
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
