I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
