Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
