I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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