So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
