so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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