Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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