careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We were destined to go to rehab together
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
