After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
