just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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