I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
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I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
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Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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