my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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