Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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