I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He has the fingertips of a God
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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