just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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