i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
