Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
