Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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