He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
