pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
