me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
