just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
