Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
