a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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