I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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