I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
