I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
