He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
