babies were throwing up all over the place
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
