I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Randomize
