My underwear smells like fireworks.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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