But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
