Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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