My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It's no shave November. This is our time.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
