So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
How does one acquire holy water?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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