NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
