You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
