I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
