it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
