Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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