This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
