This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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