I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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