Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
