if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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